The Three P's

The other day I was having a conversation with another mom about how children learn to behave at Church. I have found that, with all my kids, being able to sit through Mass with patience and attention has served them very well in many, many other areas. They learn the discipline of peace and quiet and are able to discipline themselves, for appropriate amounts of time, when we are at the homes of friends, on a field trip, at a concert, listening to a presentation, or even at the movies.

We have never spent much time in the "cry room" at church. Unless a young child is actually crying and disturbing others, the only thing the cry room is good for is teaching them bad manners through the example of all the other little ones, playing with toys, eating, etc.

By the time a child is three, it is not unreasonable to expect them to sit quietly, refrain from eating and drinking, and to leave the toys at home.
I have used a system that I feel is quite realistic to gradually bring my children into full participation with the Mass.

The Three Ps are:

Peace: At three years old, I expect a child to be able to whisper, keep feet from kicking the pews, sit fairly still (no walking up and down the pew), and keep his hands to himself. I take little prayer books, laminated pictures of the family, Holy cards, and other "quiet", prayerful items.
The boys are able to keep from starving for one hour, but we always sit near the bathroom so that if they have to make a stop or have one drink, we are able to accommodate them.

Posture: At Five, I ask the children to follow the Mass with their posture. Sitting, Standing and Kneeling at the appropriate times. The Mass is such a wonderful multi-sensory experience. Even if they don't understand all of what is being read or said, they are learning about the importance of reverence and the flow of the Liturgy. They see the people kneeling and bowing, the prayerful posture, and they begin to understand why. The "extras" on Holy Days and special occasions, Incense, Bells, Flowers, all add to the sense of being in a place where something MORE is happening. There is a feeling of anticipation and mystery, Tradition and ritual, that make them feel at home within the Mass. The boys always love the Triduum. It is long, but all of the ritual and tradition from year to year bring them closer to their Catholic family.

Participation: At Seven it is time to actively participate. I encourage this before this age, but at seven, in anticipation of the Sacraments that they will receive this year, I require it. I tell them that if they are not participating in the prayers and really paying attention, they shouldn't be going to Communion, so they need to practice responding and singing as they prepare. They are old enough to receive the Body of Christ and they are old enough to be present to Him in the Mass. I have found that they understand this very well and actually embrace the new responsibility as a sign that they are growing up. It makes them feel fully a part of the larger Church.

I have really enjoyed watching my little boys become "grown-up" in the Mass. They are always willing to go to any type of church activity and it really does my Mother's heart good when my sons sing, respond and serve at the Mass. When we get ready for daily Mass on Fridays, they are happy to go and in fact, John is always very disappointed when, because of illness or weather, we can't get there.
A little etiquette can go a long way in making this a peaceful and Joyful time, every time!