The Glory of Spring!

Finally! We are in the season of sun and flowers, gentle mornings and soft evenings.
The chill is letting go, and it is not risky to leave the jacket at home.

The window units went in last night, and the deck furniture has come out of the attic.
The mornings are lighter and the days are longer.

It is so tempting to leave everything undone in the house, as the yard is calling.
I love this time of transition. The memory of the cold is still fresh, and it is so easy to appreciate the changes. The green in the trees is that bright, new green, and the leaves fill in all the spaces around the yard, making it our lovely private sanctuary.

Tonight there will be grilled chicken and we may even eat out on the deck.
Tomorrow there will be rain, but even that is welcome, because it brings the growing things out and it isn't freezing now.
The seed in the lawn needs the rain.
It is amazing how the grass that looked so sad and pathetic two weeks ago is growing and filling in!
In early spring it always seems defeated, and then the warmer weather brings it out and it seems like it needs to be mowed twice a week!

What flowers will I plant? What to put in the "vegetable" bed?
The rhubarb is growing like crazy, and some of the herbs made it through the winter.
Certainly there will be some Basil, and the marigolds will have to be there keeping the deer at bay.
Maybe a tomato plant, and possibly some chives.
It is so exciting!

For now it is just making plans, maybe Friday I will buy some plants and get them in.
The possibilities make it hard to commit!

None of my Business

So I have made an important discovery over the past few months.
Not that I am surprised, because I have suspected it for a long time.

What I have discovered over the past year and eight months is that I am not a business person.
I have not had any illusions that I would finally start enjoying this process. I have known from the beginning that it was just a necessary part of the work that I want to do.

What really stinks is that I love the work I do, and if there was a place that I could do it, without having to jump through the business hoops, I would be so happy.

The business hasn't grown on me. I haven't enjoyed watching it develop, mainly because I have done very little to develop it. I just can't get excited about it.
It isn't something that I feel attached to, it's just a formality so that I can do the work.
I guess this is just not the field for me, if the only way that I can be employed is to employ myself.

I am really good at organizing, I am a great teacher, and I am focused and motivated. I have good ideas and I can usually find the resources to bring them to fruition.
So I really don't believe that it is a lack of motivation or something that I could resolve with better tools or more education.
It isn't even lack of interest. It is really just a distaste for the things that are required to run a small business.
I hate dealing with money and having to worry about taxes. I find all that very stressful.
I detest any sort of marketing. It makes no sense, since people can't hire you unless they can find you. I don't think I am all that great with technology any more. I used to love new tools and finding better ways to do things, but I feel like I am falling behind.

I know that this sounds whiney.
There is nothing that I would like more than to find myself in a position of joyful SEO, and social networking. But it's not going to happen. And I am not getting much help in that department from God. When I pray, He is pointing me in lots of directions, but none of them seems to be that I should embrace business with more passion.
I have been given so many gifts, and I have lots of things that I know that He wants me to do. All of them are worthy, but none of them are paying. I think, actually, that the less money I make, the more that I get "paid".

There are a lot of productive years between now and the end of my life.
The guys are all doing well, and moving in the direction of independence.
Now is the time for me to find what I will be doing with those years. I have a lot of time invested in the occupation of Organizing.  I have been doing this for 12 years.
I thought it was what I would be doing for the next 10 at least. I am not prepared to radically shift gears, but I am gradually working less, when I should be gearing up and working more.
I am actually working more in the different areas of ministry, both at the parish, and in my groups.

I love that work too.
I am good at that work, also, and it keeps me close to the heart of Jesus.
There are so many good people and it is bringing something important to life.
I just feel like I should also be contributing financially.

I don't know. More Prayer. More time with Jesus in the Eucharist.
There is obviously something that he wants of me. I just need a more open heart to hear it.